OR DID YOU EVER HAVE ONE THOSE YEARS?
While reading an email from 1 concerned member of the Master Key Master Mind Alliance (nothing to be concerned about btw) I was flooded with negative, mucky, yucky anger and resentment. Fortunatly I have lots of techniques now and tools to help me through these waters. For this am so “greatful”. So I’m reading this email thinking some people are just so sad. And I get really, really mad. So in like 13 seconds all this stuff goes through my mind and I came to the conclusion that this is my blog today.
First I must relate this day and the forces within me that lead to eventually reading the above mentioned email. It started pretty well. Did my reading, meditation was feeling pretty good. Could be doing better with exercise, eating and water but not too bad.
Then bam it starts. This guy calls and needs help and I can’t help him, he didn’t follow up and I know he blames it on me, and it was kinda my fault but he’s mad and I feel responsible, sorry. I really though he was on it. So I feel bad.
Then simultaneously (literally simultaneously because he was on the cell and I was also on skype) I am talking to my step daughter everything is going good, but I mention that I placed the ad for her car. We get around to the fact that I priced it wrong. Well, I DON’T think the price is wrong but she does and that is what matters. She starts saying, “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me?” OMGosh I gotta tell you that stabbed me in the heart. Now I know she doesn’t mean that literally. She is just freaked out about uprooting her whole, entire life and moving here. I just did that so I get the stress. I tell her I can fix it, but she is mad I can tell and I feel so bad. The last thing I want to do is make this harder for her. I felt so so bad. Now there 2 people I messed up today. Ayou!
As I am thinking about these 2 mistakes and feeling bad about it the next moment I get a text from my oldest daughter Dayna. Dayna is my heart. She tells me that due to circumstances we can’t control she won’t be here for at least another 7 months. Well then I lose my shit (as my kids say). I just crumbled into a puddle. My baby, OH MY GOSH, I’m not going to see her for how long. This I can’t take. I am junk and I start thinking about this long, long year. And then a flood of tears and everything comes down on me I just start thinking about everything that has happend in the last year.
Now just 1 short year ago we were moving out of our 2 family home in Haverhill. That was sad and that was happy. As anybody who has move, after living in one place a long time, you know that was a nightmare. No, really, it sucked really bad. Then we’re in this little rental at Seabrook Beach (yuck). My view is the Nuclear Power Plant. All my stuffs in storage and now what? I’ll tell you what. Now get ready to move 6000 miles away, with your blind, deaf, grumpy mother-in-law. Then Dayna moves out, then how do we get the dog over there, then this, then that, then the other thing. Just one crazy thing after the other and never a minute to get used to it. It’s all a stress filled blur that I am reliving this morning.
Then the email – I figured well I am going to try to help someone else. I do my best to get into service to others and I am going to finish reading the press releases and adding everyone to Mark’s blog. And I read this email. I believe, and I could be wrong. But I believe that people who don’t take responsiblity for their own lives are mean to people who do. So this email says something that I thought was so stupid. We’ll put it in the catagory of the same people who, when I told them I was moving to Hawaii, they said, “Isn’t it expensive to live there.” Imagine this really naggy, high pitched voice, “Isn’t it expensive to live there.” Blah, Blah, Blah. Bite me. Just closed, small minded and probably jealous people.
So I get so mad and I’m thinking all I want to do is help someone and I get this email and it makes me so mad and all this junk is happening today, (btw my kitchen sink doesn’t work and I can’t do dishes so I can’t cook, just pile it on AND I thought it was Thursday not Friday!!!) – what am I supposed to do here. Feel sorry for myself, well that’s easy I am already doing that. No, I think what is the message, the lesson where is it, I start thinking how is this an opportunity? Thanks MKMMA. And it hit me. I realize, it was like a bolt of lightening, I saw a flash. That happens sometimes when I get out of my own way. You have to blog today (Again, totally thought it was Thursday). Write about it. Let all the MKMMAers now before some A-hole takes a crap on their dreams.
You may already know this but pay attention anyway. It’s really important to let you know, in case you don’t already, that when you go for your dreams, when you start changing your mind, when you start making choices that bring you closer to your dreams and goals there are going to be people out there who try to drag you back down. It’s the crab story. They don’t mean to be mean and small, mostly they don’t even know. But the will try. If you change, if you get better, others are forced to look at the fact that they are not. And some of them will hate you for it and be really, really mean. It’s right in “Think and Grow Rich” most people fail because they listen to well meaning friends and family. Read that again is astonishing, but it’s true.
You know who they are. Some will shock you, some won’t. Don’t listen. You know your own heart they don’t. Dream stealers Mark used to call them, it was so hard for me to believe that people would do that, but they do. All the time.
Here I take a risk. Sometimes you are sleeping next to them. Or they are at the dinner table or you have to be in the same room with them, often. It’s rough, I know I did that and I still have to today. But my mind is the only one that matters. I choose what I think about. I choose my own destiny. AND it’s important that we don’t think negatively about them. We bless them, we pray for their happiness and that they find their bliss too! That’s the hard part if you ask me. Everything I let go of has nail marks on it.
Just wanted to let you know, it’s my revenge. It’s my way of letting go of the person that I DON’T EVEN KNOW AND WILL PROBABLY NEVER MEET. As long as I hold on to being angry at those “dream stealers” I am blocking my own bliss. God Bless Them. So I hope this helps me and you.
blessings and believe,